Battling with the Big D

And D is for Depression – Get it together! This is a serious post with an extreme dosage of my “sense of humor”.

Only a handful of my closest souls knew the battle I was fighting Mid-2015/Early 2016 and I’m ready to share my experience with the intention of helping at least one person.

We’re starting to hear more and more about mental health – whether it’s on the news, social media, movies/TV (most recent film I watched: Collateral Beauty with Will Smith – please watch this!), etc. But we don’t talk much about it with our family and friends, and very few admit what they’re experiencing. We’re quick to discuss our eating habits and workout/non-workout regimens aka physical health or how we feel about a particular political figure, but when it comes to the thoughts of constant doubt, anger, anxiety, sadness, lack of motivation, extreme mood swings in general, we tend to keep it to ourselves.

I mean, I guess there’s nothing wrong with keeping things to yourself, but we need to understand that depression is nothing to be ashamed of and it’s something you can get out of/control. There’s a huge stigma out there regarding mental illness and it’s our job as HUMAN BEINGS to understand what is going on up in our minds and pursue to destroy said stigma.

For me, I was embarrassed and in denial.

How could I be depressed? I love to smile, be adventurous, laugh. I eat well, work out, am down to do practically anything. I have THE BESTEST of family and friends ever – you can fight me on this one! At the time I was in a gorgeous relationship – completely in love with my best friend, travel companion, partner in life; with an extremely motivational, inspirational and beautiful soul. I have the PERFECT job for me and still able to fulfill my fitness/nutrition coaching goals on the side. And I travel the world; experience new places MONTHLY, learn bits of different languages and cultures, and meet incredible people from all over! How could I be depressed?

Yes. I asked myself that multiple times per day. Every morning when I woke without energy and motivation (which was odd for me). Every night before I fell asleep when I would be bawling my eyes out, for no apparent reason (I was never a crier, ask mom). Every time I would be sitting silently around friends/acquaintances and wouldn’t be able to contribute to the conversation (I talk a lot so this was weird). Oh and the thoughts in my mind were mostly negative or were prone to go negative real quick – 0 to 100 kine quick! I felt anger, anxiousness, sadness; I was tired, bored, lonely; I felt hopeless, self-conscious, irritated. Where did the excited, fun-loving, bubbly Sabrina go??? I was stressing myself out, more and more, as the days went on; as I continued to feel, less and less, like me.

It wasn’t until I accepted I was experiencing depression, where I was able to actually improve – despacito, but still improvement.

Here’s a “short” video of me being raw and finally gaining the courage to share with the world the secret I’ve been hiding for over a year. I’ve been thinking of doing this video for months now. I finally took my own advice and took action – “Don’t TALK about it, BE about it!”

FYI: My camera cut out at about 20 min as I was mid-thought, so I continued speaking before I restarted the camera about a minute later. From what I remember, I was just talking about how it got rocky again so I went back on the medication for a few months. I ended up stopping the medication for good in January 2017. I say “for good”, but I understand that depression is something that will always be a part of my life and I may take it again if I begin to feel the illness creeping up. For now, I am back to my “normal” self and feel stronger than ever. I prefer to live my life medication-free and I only take my daily vitamins and supplements.

***Thank you for feeling with me***

I found this great site with resources and facts on mental illnesses worldwide. If you think you may be experiencing depression, anxiety or you just don’t feel right, I encourage you to speak to a professional. My therapist helped me a ton and I will forever be grateful for her.

https://www.nami.org/Find-Support

GeneralMHFacts

MulticulturalMHFacts10-23-15

I am open to chatting with you if you have any questions or if you’d like to open up about how you’ve been feeling. I would be honored to provide additional hope and love to those in need. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

I also would like to thank the 5 people who were by my side during this crucial moment in my HERstory – you know who you are and you will forever have a place in my heart.

Thank you for your time and always remember – YOU’RE WORTH IT!

In Health and Happiness,

Fun-Loving, Bubbly Sabrina

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